On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
