Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
