Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are we still banned from the library?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
