Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
