I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
