I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
