hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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