I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
