I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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