Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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