i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
