so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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