I skipped work to stalk him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
