i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
