Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
