3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
