I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
