none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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