Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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