She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He uses pillows to masturbate.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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