Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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