omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
