Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
