i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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