I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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