Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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