my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
