I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
