eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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