You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
