Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
