so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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