I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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