even my farts smell like vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
