Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize