The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We got so high we made milksteak
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
