You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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