So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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