Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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