you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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