i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
