I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
