I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
