she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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