two words: eviction party
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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