Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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