drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
