i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
