Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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