feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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