did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
