I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
