All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
