I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
