Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
