Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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