You're my little dorito
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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