I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
