Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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