I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
