paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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