I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You pole danced in your parka.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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