woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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