Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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