Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
