she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
