I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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