is your mom at the bar?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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