So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just google imaged poop.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
