honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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