Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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