can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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