We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
